Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Flourishing Relationships - Relationship Patterns

Everywhere in life there are patterns. 

 See the pattern, change the behaviour.
We find patterns in nature, in the Arts, in Architecture, in our behaviour; in fact patterns are everywhere.

We even have relationship patterns. 
Let me explain. 

Relationship patterns are about the people that we attract into our lives. We start at early childhood with the friends that we make and continue on throughout our lives. 

Now this is fine if we attract kind, loving and generous people who support us and help us to grow. However, if we are attracting people who put us down and  abuse us in some way, we need to recognize this pattern and change it so that we attract nicer people into our lives.

Here are some questions to think about:

  • How you relate to other people? Are you kind, generous, supportive and loving?
  • Do you tease, use put downs, humiliate or use other hurtful behaviour?
  • Do you have beliefs about yourself that leave you open to abuse? Beliefs like "I am not worthy of being loved." "I deserve to be punished." There are all sorts of negative beliefs that will affect the relationships that we have.
  • Are you following the same relationship patterns of your parents?
If you recognize some negative behaviour in yourself you can change it. For example, you can make the choice not to tease or humiliate anyone ever again. You can choose to be more loving, kind and supportive. After all isn't that how you like to be treated?

You can even change your negative beliefs about yourself and other people. You may need some help with this though.

Once you start to make some positive changes with your own behaviour patterns, your relationship patterns change.

People who no longer fit with you will leave your life. This is a good thing, even if it is a relative or partner. People who will not grow with you will always try to keep you at their level and that is not healthy. So let them go.

You will find that you start a new relationship pattern. You will attract people who are more loving into your life. Then your relationships will just get better and better.

Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreats

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