|I am not looking, so I can't see it!|
Either partner can be the one who is refusing the help.Some of the most common reasons for refusing to go to see a relationship coach or counsellor are:
- Pride - if there is a problem I should be able to fix it myself. Being too proud to accept help.
- Stubbornness- refusing to admit that there is a problem.
- Fear -of having to change.
- Denial - believing that there is nothing wrong and that they are quite happy with the way things are.
- "We can not afford to go to counselling" - this is a furphy as most people can find the money to do other things, they just do not see their relationship as something worth investing in financially. It is an excuse to not do anything to resolve the problem.
- "I am not going to counselling and you are not going either" - This attitude is all about controlling their partner. It is a reaction based in fear. Fear that if their partner seeks help their relationship will change. And they do not want change.
- Remember that you can not change someone else, but you can change yourself.
- Go and get help by yourself; but be sure to discuss with your partner what you are working on with your counsellor. If you feel that you are not progressing with your counsellor, find another. Sometimes it takes time to find the right person to help you.
- Learn how to change your behaviour patterns, communicate more effectively and make changes to the way that you react to situations.Then your partner will have to eventually adjust their behaviour to match. This can make a big difference to your relationship.
The Out and About Therapist
Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreats