Thursday, 22 November 2012

Flourishing Relationships - The Sea of Our Emotions

Sometimes our relationships seem to be like the waves of the sea crashing against the rocks of the land.

Crashing Waves
We crash and bang against each other, our emotions flaring and all we seem to do is hurt each other. 

When we are in this state of unrest, we can not resolve issues. We do not think clearly, all we do is react.

There are a number of reasons why we are triggered into reacting, for example: 

  • Circumstances can project us subconsciously into childhood where we were hurt or frightened in some way, so we react as if we were still that child.
  • Emotions like guilt, envy, resentment, anger, humiliation etc,  can all cause us to react and can be at the root of our reaction.
  • Blaming other people for what is happening rather than looking in your own backyard.

So when you are pounding on the shore of your relationship like the surf pounding on the beach, stop for a while.

Calm Seas and Soft Sand
Calm yourself and think about what it is that you are doing and how you could approach the issue differently. 

Think about how you could approach your partner to discuss the issue with kindness and compassion. 

Then you have a chance to calm the seas of your emotions and resolve the issue you have been fighting about.

Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreats

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