Saturday, 21 April 2012

Roundabouts and how to get off them

Do you and your partner fight and argue? Do you go around the same old thing time and time again? Are your children the "meat in the sandwich"?

He Said; She Said!
Hilary Thompson
If you have answered "Yes" to any or all of these questions it is time to make a change.

Continuing as you are is like being on a roundabout that you can't get off; and all that happens is that both of you are resentful and miserable.

However, you can, if  you are prepared to make some changes, get off the roundabout.

Here are some hints to help you :

  • Most importantly, never, ever, fight in front of your children; or anywhere that they could hear you. Fighting in front of children damages them emotionally and is tantamount to child abuse.
  • Put yourself in your partner's place and think about how he or she might feel about what you are fighting about. This can give you some useful insight.
  • Listen to what your partner is actually saying and think about it before replying.
  • Acknowledge and validate the other person's feelings.
  • Think about how you usually react and then think of a way of reacting differently.
  • If you are one of those people who have to always be "right", does being "right" matter that much if it causes disharmony? Sometimes it is useful to not be "right". Are you a big enough person to do this?Do you have the courage to admit that sometimes you are "wrong"? Of course you are, otherwise you would not be reading this.
  • Be open to compromise. 
  • Do not make a molehill into a mountain. In other words, do not create a drama out of something that is really only a small issue. 
  • And finally, keep calm and never end the day on an argument.
Remember, it is OK to ask for some help.

Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreats

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