Monday, 1 April 2013

Flourishing Relationships - Driving a wedge between us

A friend of mine was telling me the other day about how an issue had cropped up between her and her new partner, which was "driving a wedge" between them.

The thin end of the wedge
When we are in a relationship it is inevitable that now and again we will  have some sort of disagreement with our partner. That is normal when two very different people share their lives together.

Each of  us will see an issue with a different perspective and a different belief system based upon our experience of life. However, that does not mean that a disagreement has to "drive a wedge" between partners.

If this is happening to your relationship, consider this:

  • Is it just you that feels like there is a wedge between you or is it both of you?
  • Are you on the defensive about this issue?
  • Is the issue bringing up painful experiences that you need to recognize and heal?
  • Can you put yourself into the other person's "shoes" and see their side?
  • Is this all about having to be right all the time so that you feel better about yourself?
If any of the above questions ring true for you, then you need to do some work on yourself, before you can open up an effective  communication channel with your partner and resolve the issue.

Remember, you can not change other people, you can only change yourself. When you change yourself for the better, grow yourself and heal your pain, you can deal with issues when they arise much more effectively.

If the issue is a big one and you have not been able to resolve it yourselves, please get some help from someone you can trust before your relationship is irreparably damaged.

Hilary Thompson
The Out and About Therapist
Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreats

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